The Love of Minerva McGonagall
by Eeyorethedonkey3
Summary: minerva's thoughts on her past, present, future, and circumstances Please Read and Review (little romance, title is misleading)


Minerva McGonnagall stood at the window in the library, staring out at the grounds of Hogwarts. - The whomping willow, the lake, even the edge of the forbidden forest, bordered by hagrid's hut. The rustling of the willow caught her eye. As she thought of it, she thought of Remus Lupin, the werewolf, a friend of James Potter, the stuck-up seeker she had taught all those years ago. His friends, Lupin, Pettigrew and Black, oh what troublemakers the four of them had been. She smiled grimly at the memories. She remembered the day they left Hogwarts, her relief, and how she had looked forward to teaching their children with dread. But Pettigrew, Black, and Lupin never married. James Potter had married Lily Evans, and had Harry. Harry Potter- already his name symbolized so much, and the boy was so young... The night before, she and Dumbledore had given the boy away, left him at the Dursleys. She frowned; they really were the worst sort of muggles. But Albus had insisted that it had to be done. Minerva had sobbed when they had left, at the death of Lily and James, and at the abandonment of Harry.  
Lily Evan, when she had come to Hogwarts, was yet another muggle-born who had never heard of the wizarding world. When she had walked up to be sorted, Minerva recalled with a smile, she had been as white as a ghost. Lily had looked at Minerva, quaking with fear. And Minerva had smiled down upon her, a comforting smile. And Lily relaxed, sat down, and Minerva placed the hat upon her head. As the hat was deciding, Minerva contemplated her smile. It wasn't in her manner to smile at students, particularly at those she didn't know. At that moment, they hat declared that Lily was in Gryffindor, and a surge of pride rushed through Minerva's veins. At that point, Minerva's heart declared that Lily was special. And she was. Over the next seven years, Lily was special to Minerva, and Minerva was special to Lily. It was Minerva who Lily had come to with her problems adjusting to Hogwarts in her first year, and finally, in her seventh year, it was Minerva who Lily had come to with the word of her secret engagement to James, and a request of advice for what to do. It was a secret they shared until the summer, when Lily and James were married. It was Minerva who had gotten the first owl of Harry's birth. And it was Minerva who Lily had told she was pregnant with a second child.  
"Shush! Don't tell Albus! Only you know, I've yet to even tell James." Lily said laughing as Minerva had teared up with joy. And Minerva hadn't told a soul. A week later, Lily, James, and the unborn baby were dead. Only Harry remained, far away in a different world from Minerva. She reflected for a moment on his arrival to Privet Drive. Hagrid had done a fine job, she felt guilty for doubting him. She really did, however, wish to speak to Sirius Black, to have Albus speak to Sirius Black, and explain why his rights as a godfather were being denied.  
Minerva heard voices coming from the Great Hall. September first, the first day of the term, she thought to herself. The voices were loud and happy, they had good cause to be now that Voldemort was gone and they were all free. Minerva hated Tom Riddle for all he had done. She hated him for taking so many lives from so many people. She hated him for taking Lily from her, from Harry. For taking her parents, her sister- Minerva shut her eyes tightly, and tried to block her thoughts out of her mind. Remus Lupin had saved her life that night, two years ago, midsummer. He had brought her to Hogwarts, where she had worked already during the school year, to live. She owed Lupin her life, she told herself. She looked out the window again to the willow- her thoughts had gone full circle. But her family still remained on her mind. Stop it Minerva, Albus and Hogwarts are your family now. And she knew it was true. Besides trips to Hogsmede, Minerva hadn't left the castle grounds since Remus had brought her there over two years ago. It felt odd not to go home over the summer holiday, but Albus lived in the castle too, and was good company. Her Albus, she loved him so. They were deeply in love, but kept it a secret from everyone. Minerva lived in deadly fear of Voldemort taking her Albus from her, as he did her Lily, her parents, and her sister Helena. It was when she was involuntarily thinking of Helena and trying to hold back tears that someone entered the library and saw her. Minerva knew it was Albus the moment he opened the door.  
"Minerva, my dearest, why aren't you with the school at the feast? The first years should be arriving soon; I see them on the horizon of the lake now. Darling, what is the matter?" he asked worriedly. As he approached her, she broke down.  
Sobbing, she told him everything, about Lily. He cried too when he heard of the second child. She told him her fears of losing him to Voldemort like she lost Lily and her parents. She said she was thinking of Helena.  
"Minerva, my dearest, you cannot control someone else. Helena made a wrong choice. No one knew that when she went to train to be an auror, she would change sides. No one expected her to become a death eater. No one expected her to kill your parents and try to kill you." Minerva sobbed harder at each comment he made of Helena. "Minerva, Remus did come and save you and I thank god each day for it, but Minerva, it was never, is not and will never be your fault. I love you sweetheart, please don't blame yourself for what you can't control."  
"But I loved her so. I loved Helena, she was so much a part of me, it felt like I was betraying myself and everyone around me to see her do what she did; oh Albus I loved her with all my heart, and lost her. Just like with my parents, and Lily. I am just so afraid it will happen to you next. And Harry Potter..."  
"Ah, Minerva, I know you loved your sister, and your parents. And I know you loved Lily, and Harry with all your heart. Harry, he will return to us. All we have to do is wait. And I know you love me. But Minerva, use a little of your overflowing love on yourself." He kissed her hair as she sobbed.  
  
Minerva McGonnagall stood gazing at the lake, deep in thought. She heard the door handle turn to open the library door. She knew it was Albus before she heard him.  
"Ah, Professor McGonnagall, I see you have returned to this spot once again. He said quietly as he put his arms around her shoulders and kissed her softly on the head. Minerva smiled.  
"I'm looking for the horizon on the lake." She said. Suddenly, they saw it, they approaching boats. Quickly, she grabbed a telescope, and focused it on the lake.  
"I think I see him." Said Albus when he looked through the telescope. "He looks just like James, remarkably like James." Minerva then bent down to look. She peered through the telescope for a long time. She stood up with a smile.  
"But he has his mother's eyes. He has Lily's eyes." 


End file.
